Wow! We just had a beautiful community call harnessing the power of relational alchemy in group intention to heal the sister wound! Read on for the 4 Steps to Heal the Sister Wound and join the self-study course to get access to the live call, meditation and more material to go deeper.
Step 1: Awareness
Whether you identify as a woman, or were assigned female at birth, you will most likely have grown up being affected in some way by the sister wound.
Jealousy, insecurity, secrecy, gossip, comparison, fear— these are all ways that the sister wound manifests itself in relationships with other womxn.
Instead of viewing the other woman as an ally, we may see them as an enemy, competition, or source of harm. Healing the sister wound is the way that we can reclaim our power, our grace, our magic.
The first step is about awareness. Begin by watching your patterns when interacting with womxn. Do you feel competitive? Jealous? Holding back?
Time for some introspection in journaling or voice recording. I suggest playing some binaural beats or other relaxing music and settling in with a candle or incense to answer the following questions:
1. When were you betrayed by another woman/female/girl/NB?
2.Do you have a fear of being attacked if you share too much?
3.Where do you feel competitive with other women?
4.Are you aware of a pattern in yourself or others to comment on how the other looks physically, or what someone's wearing when they meet up? Do your conversations tend toward the superficial? 5.When someone gives you a compliment are you able to deeply receive it or do you immediately offer them a comment to deflect from receiving?
6.Who do you get jealous of? About what? 7.Do you feel that another woman is competition for your husband/partner/love interest?
8.Do you judge your body against others’?
9.How do you feel about sharing the work of a woman who has similar offerings to yours?
Let the answers that arise here serve as information.
Awareness of our thought and behavior patterns is the key to making any changes in our lives. We all have places where certain potentially harmful (i.e. not fully loving of ourselves and others) patterns have been playing out, often without our even being aware of them. Forgive yourself and others any places this has been happening. We understand the why now from the introduction and with this awareness, we can begin making different choices going forward! (for more on WHY these patterns exist, see the Course).
Step 2: Self-Responsibility
It may be empowering for you to think of self-responsibility in these terms: Everyone and everything we see in the world around us is a mirror reflecting back to us our subconscious beliefs. No two people experience one thing the same way. I think this movie is amazing and you find it boring. My dog thinks my pen is a chew toy, and I think it’s for writing. You could think of your mind (conscious + subconscious) like a projector and the world you see as the screen. Everything you experience is filtered through your belief system (your projector) onto the screen (the way you experience the world). This doesn’t mean we have to feel bad or guilty that we see so much that we dislike in the world. We are all carriers of a legacy of beliefs and conditioning creating the current reality, consciously or not. This awareness is an opportunity to go inward and bring our shadows to light in service to ourselves and the world. Of course, this does NOT mean anyone is to blame for what they're going through or experiencing in life. There are absolutely systems in place that create an imbalance of power in our world. People of color, gender and sexual non-conforming individuals and disabled people for instance must be uplifted by the destruction of systems of oppression to have the playing field leveled! The idea of self-responsibility should be purely empowering and never victim blaming. Feel into, at this time of great change, the power of us all doing our internal work and then, from this place of deep understanding, when the time is ripe, taking sacred action! Step 3: Visioning + Practicing a New Way If we lift each other up, support and value each other, we can help us all reclaim our power. Now that you’ve examined some aspects of the sister shadow, let’s look at the light. Imagine a world where every person is whole unto themselves. They are not feeling dependent on someone or a system to be safe and supported. Each person of all different flavors feels innately beautiful, sovereign and worthy of being loved. We all magnetize our right people to us and trust in that process. Those that aren’t in energetic alignment are loved and respected, but there is no need to compromise or entertain them. Everyone goes their own way lovingly and joyfully. The womxn play together, they collaborate and share their gifts, they celebrate one another. What would it feel like in your body to feel this free? At ease? Loved, loving, and lovable? Take a few deep breaths here. Know that as you continue to bring these sister wound shadows to the light of your awareness, this reality is truer and truer. Practice: Take a moment to write a love letter to the future about what it would look like and feel like to be in a world where this sister wound didn't exist! From here... begin each time you have a sister shadow arise, to notice and choose a different perspective based on your vision here. Step 4: Integration Finally, continue to integrate this work. Integration is the spaciousness we give ourselves to let new ways of being really soak in. We can do this through time in nature, mediation or in actively practicing relational alchemy for safety and expansion with others. Listen to the meditation in the course portal for a practice to do this. Here's to our collective rising and thanks for being here! P.S. Our (not JUST a) Women's Circle is a great place to go deeper into this work if you're feeling called.